Extract from November 2016
When I was growing up I was always surrounded by people that made me feel like I am inferior to them. As it will be, this feeling of inferiority started late in my primary school days and went well into early adulthood.
I wasn’t the brightest in any of my classes and was very close to failing every year. As I grew older I realised that school was just downright boring for me and I was very lazy to study. I NEVER had any distinctions, and although I didn’t pass with high grades by the end of the year, I did take a keen interest in some of my school subjects – Biology, Home Economics, Business Economics, Typing and English. I treated these school subjects as hobbies and not as something academic. So of course I didn’t pass with flying colours but at least I made it through school.
When I was in high school, I wasn’t a popular girl at all. I didn’t have my first boyfriend until I was 18 either. The feeling of inferiority overwhelmed me wherever I went. I was never a school prefect, I was never strong in athletics, I didn’t understand chess or play tennis. I never felt that I could achieve anything in my life. I was shy and introverted. To me I was a dumb, ugly duckling.
Why did I feel so inferior? Because I was subject to emotional bullying from a young age. I was a sensitive person and absorbed negativity far more than positivity. Every year, there were at least 2 or 3 kids in my school that were saying horrible things to me, threatening me or insulting me. When I was a first year student I was making lots of friends until one person decided she didn’t like me and turned everyone I was friends with against me.
In my career I was bullied by many of my bosses.
But know what? It didn’t stop me. I sometimes sulked for weeks because I cared so much about other people’s opinions of me, even if they were people I despised. I spent so much time feeling unworthy, unwanted, unattractive, unhappy, negative…I had no direction.And then I realised something earlier this year: YOU BECOME WHO YOU SURROUND YOURSELF WITH. Your environment and the people in it is what makes you turn into the person that you become. And this is why I had to take a stand and make a dramatic change in my life. It had to start with my work life. So I resigned my job. I knew full well that my environment didn’t serve me, I just had to face the reality that it will never change. I developed a great hunger, a hunger to surround myself with people and an environment that has a positive impact on me.
So in April this year, I pushed the reset button on my life and in June I did the same with my career. The people that had stood by me through thick and thin are still in my life. The people who I once thought were my friends are no longer in my life.
Of course with all the new things happening in the past 4 months, I often found myself saying sorry for talking to people about the new things and ideas that excites me – for fear of rejection and judment. I would say “I’m sorry if this bores you or sound silly, but….and so I wondered what are your thoughts?” Too many times I found myself asking other people’s opinions because I didn’t want to be judged or reprimanded for the decisions I make.
I somehow came to realise that we as human beings are so wired to believe that every person’s opinion about us matters. I also learned that not everyone thinks on the same level, not everyone’s views, beliefs and religion is the same. Not everyone has the same ambitions, dreams and goals in life. And thus this means that the steps I take to achieve the things I want in life is because it is a life that suits my wants, needs and goals. And for this I shouldn’t be judged because I do not judge other’s decisions in life. Everyone is unique.
As I am still shedding layers and layers of emotions from the “old” Elize, I want to give you a message today.
It’s ok to be you.
It’s ok to make mistakes.
It’s ok to fall face down, just get up, dust yourself off and keep walking.
It’s ok to be a little wacky. Heck I am a lot sillier than what people see of me
Don’t be afraid to be bubbly with excitement about your dreams
Don’t be afraid to be assertive
Don’t make any more excuses for who you are. You are beautiful in every way
Live your dreams. Dream big but start small.
Be proud of your personal and career achievements.
Remind yourself of 5 things to be grateful for EVERY DAY
Stop saying sorry for who you are
Tell yourself every morning “I am beautiful, I am unique, I am special and this is MY life”
Have an amazing week my friends.
~ Elize ~